Learning Curve

by Dumb Church

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No © 2012

In 1996, after having recorded on a friend's 4 track a couple of times, I decided to buy one of my own. It's arrival brought a period of experimentation and a collection of songs recorded with the sole purpose of learning how the machine worked and where to set levels, etc. These recordings were all done in my bedroom with me playing all of the instruments. Lacking a drummer (and proper drums, really), a make-shift drum set consisting of a Remo practice pad, empty cookie tin and a pair of spoons filled my percussion needs until I was able to borrow a Boss DR-5 drum machine for a few days. The guitars were recorded directly without any mics. This period of exploration lasted two weeks before I lost interest.


released May 3, 2012

Andy - everything




Mortville Noise HQ Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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Track Name: Dumb Church - Self-Love
All you ever talk about is yourself
You keep on talking on and on
The same old thing every day
The same old talk every day

You come to my house
Blah, blah, blah...
I did this - I did that
Who gives a fuck?
Who gives a shit?
All you ever talk about is yourself
Track Name: Dumb Church - Big Piles of Meat
When I eat, I like to eat
I like to eat big piles of meat
Forget all those vegetables
I do not like them, no I don't
Oh boy
Track Name: Dumb Church - Salmon Chant
We swim upstream - salmon
Upstream to breed - salmon
We breed to live - salmon
We live to die - salmon

Salmon is an ocean fish - salmon
Salmon does what salmon wants to - salmon
In a can or on your plate it's salmon
You can try, but you can't catch a salmon
Track Name: Dumb Church - 1234 - AAAHH!
1234 - Ahhh!
Track Name: Dumb Church - Shut Up
Shut your mouth
Stop your talking
Track Name: Dumb Church - Return My Stamps
Write back soon
Return my stamps, please
Track Name: Dumb Church - Rip-Off Records
Relapse Records
Rip-off Records
Track Name: Dumb Church - Fucking Shit (not a Sockeye cover)
Fuck, shit, fuck, shit
Fucking shit
Track Name: Dumb Church - Running on Empty
Gas tank empty
Stop at station
Track Name: Dumb Church - Al Pacheeno
Al Pacino
Greatest actor
Track Name: Dumb Church - I Love Porno
Porno, porno
I love porno
Track Name: Dumb Church - Unclean
I need a bath
Smell like dog shit
Track Name: Dumb Church - Sticker Delay
Punk With Presses made our stickers
Take too long to fucking send them
Track Name: Dumb Church - Pissed Pants
Pissed my pants 'cause couldn't hold it
Wet spot, my car smells like urine
Track Name: Dumb Church - Okay, Not Really
I wish I was in a crust band
Track Name: Dumb Church - Health Through Supplements
Drink your milk
Take vitamins
Track Name: Dumb Church - A Reason to Hate
Stomp on my balls
Make me hate you
Track Name: Dumb Church - Engine Trouble
Stop my car
Look at engine
Track Name: Dumb Church - Sore Throat Reunion
Sore Throat need to have reunion
Track Name: Dumb Church - Daryl Kahan
Daryl Kahan lives in Fairfield
Track Name: Dumb Church - Horse Piss
Horse piss
Track Name: Dumb Church - First Choice
Pirate Keg - my favorite root beer
Track Name: Dumb Church - Second Choice
Mug root beer - my second favorite
Track Name: Dumb Church - Tuna Pants
Soiled panties smell like tuna
Track Name: Dumb Church - Living Legend
Chuck Infection played in Psycho
Track Name: Dumb Church - Lyric Sheets
Lyric sheets are lyric shits
Track Name: Dumb Church - Clean Bowl
Push the button
Flush the toilet
Track Name: Dumb Church - Attractants
Brown eye, blue eyes
Lips and assholes
Track Name: Dumb Church - Handouts
??? write me
Want some freebies
Send some money
Don't be so cheap
Track Name: Dumb Church - Cheap Fuck
Cheap fuck
Track Name: Dumb Church - Pants Full of Foam
Liquid butt shit
Track Name: Dumb Church - Guilt-Free Consumption
I eat meat
I don't feel guilty
Track Name: Dumb Church - Staring Problem
Hey, you!
What are you looking at?
Track Name: Dumb Church - Aspirations
I wish I was in a crust band
Track Name: Dumb Church - Cheaper Drums Than Morbid Vomit
Cheaper drums than Morbid Vomit
Track Name: Dumb Church - Axe
Track Name: Dumb Church - Ceiling Fan Slaughter
Ceiling fan?
Or ceiling slaughter?
Track Name: Dumb Church - Typos
White Out helps me get the black out
Track Name: Dumb Church - He's Dead Now
Neighbor mows his lawn too often
Track Name: Dumb Church - MTV is Fucking Stupid
MTV is fucking stupid
Track Name: Dumb Church - I Like Everything
I like flowers
I like birdies
I like good things
Good things
Sweet things
I like everything
Track Name: Dumb Church - Axe Massacre
Battle axe
Axe attack
When I walk into the room
Better know it's time for doom
Swing the axe, the blood will fly
Now it's time for you to die
Axe chopping
Axe ripping
Axe slashing
Ace bashing
Axe massacre
Track Name: Dumb Church - Throwing Crusties Into the Shower
Need a fucking haircut
Wipe off all the mud
Take a fucking shower
Take a fucking bath
I shouldn't have to tell you
Your face looks like my ass
Why not wash?
Why not bathe?
Why not shower?
Stink all day
Why so crusty?
Why so bad?
Why so shitty?
What's your fucking deal?
Track Name: Dumb Church - One Way or Another
Pull the chain or pull my pecker
Boy, my cock, it really hurts
Take the bus, or take the train
Either way, I'll find my way home
Track Name: Dumb Church - Another Rip-off
Get out of bed and check my mail
There's nothing there, it never fails
I sent my cash, but no response
Seems I've been ripped off again
Can't do their work, can't tow the line
Got other things that rack their mind
You're not so cool, I think you suck
You call yourself a friend?
Track Name: Dumb Church - Chronic Fatigue
I sit in bed, try not to wake
My goal to sleep the day away
‘Cause what’s the point of getting up?
My life in general kind of sucks
Go to work, then go to bed
No in between, just go to bed
Well, I’m not getting up today
I won’t do what you say, no way

Sleep 8 hours, maybe 10
It’s not enough, it never is
Go back to sleep another 10
Then 4 more hours, maybe then
Whole days wasted, what a treat!
I’ll wake up, then go back to sleep
Sleep 8 more hours, maybe 10
It’s not enough, it never is

Go to work, then go to bed
No in between, just go to bed
Well, I’m not getting up today
I won’t do what you say, no way
Fuck you
Track Name: Dumb Church - Psycho Punk Rock Fuck-Up
I put on my face and tease my hair
I’m gonna make sure you know I’m there
I’ve got my guitar, gonna rock and roll tonight

The speakers are tall, the volume’s loud
I’m eyeing the girlies out in the crowd
‘Cause after the show, I’m gonna get laid, alright

And if there’s one thing that I know
It’s that me and my band really put on a show
And you better get out
Said you better get out
Said you better get out of my way
You may laugh and say it ain’t right
But a punk sensation is sweepin’ the nation tonight
Psycho punk rock fuck-up

Too much beer, smoke too much grass
Get in my car and drive real fast
The open road, it’s always there
Just one more show, yeah, you better beware
Track Name: Dumb Church - A Slightly Tuff Song
Wrists bands on and blue jeans tight
Fuckin’ with me, you best be ready to fight
I’m not going to listen to it
‘Cause I’m tough as fuck and I’m stronger than piss
Got brass knuckles on my fists
When the cobra strikes, you best be ready for it

I’m coppin’ a ‘tude, dude, I like to fight
Fuck with me, I’ll fucken punch out your lights
My muscles are hard and my temper is short
So, don’t mess with me, dude, or I’ll kick your ass, dork
Track Name: Dumb Church - Undisclosed Menace
Most of the lyrics are just gibberish. The only real lyrics are "It goes on every day, but you don't want to believe."
Track Name: Dumb Church - Instrumental
Guitar, harmonium + percussion.
Track Name: Dumb Church - Burpin' and Fartin'
Well, they call me “The Gas Man”
Don’t work at no station
They make fun of me
Because my flatulation
See? I eat lots of beans
And it gives me lots of gas
A deadly weapon
That’s known as my ass

My colon gots a trigger
My ass is bigger than hell
I wave it around
After a trip to Taco Bell
No, I’m not afraid to use it
Stop, or I’ll shoot
One day I went so hard
My gas turned into poop
And that ain’t no shit

Burpin’ and Fartin’
Yeah, we got the shits
Writin’ these songs
Thinkin’ we got hits
My lyrics on the page
My ass, the toilet seat
Wipe my ass with my lyrics
And I think it’s kinda beat

Three cans of soda
Box of laxatives
Said, I come to your house
And you ask me “What gives?”
The fog from my can’s
Enough to kill a man
My ass’ a deadly weapon
Better run while you can

Said, we’re burpin’ and Fartin’
Track Name: Styrofoam Love
The mannequin head on my dresser keeps staring at me
Driving me mad, sits and plays with my mind
I wonder if it has a brain?
Can it think? Is it alive?
Sometimes I imagine it’s real and make out with it
I doesn’t do anything but smile and stare aimlessly
I think it likes me, but I can’t really tell
I take off my clothes and dance for it
Hoping it will move
But it never does
And my hopes are crushed once again
Sitting naked, I wonder what the rest of her looks like
And what happened to her hair
I sleep with her
She wakes up every day looking the same
And, I can’t help but wonder when our relationship will end
For I know that when she finally speaks, she will say “Get Out”
And at that point, I will greet death with open arms
Because no one else cares
Hopefully I’ll meet the rest of her in my afterlife
But I doubt it
Track Name: Dumb Church - Fuck You
Guitar, Boss DR-5, vocals.
Track Name: Dumb Church - War Talks
You speak of peace
I speak of war
Heads will roll
Blood will pour
Track Name: Tribute to Trouble
King of the road
Like an animal
I’ve been out here all day
I dress the part
I blew a fart
Should’ve run, but it’s too late

The days are long
The nights are longer
I never go to sleep
Now, it’s too late
Gonna stay out all day

Dressed to kill
The blood will spill
There’s nothing you can say

The days are long
The nights are longer
I never go to sleep
Now, it’s too late
Track Name: Dumb Church - A Shitty Song
Brown banana
Doo Doo
Doo Doo
Track Name: Dumb Church - Pure Genocide
I love the sight
Pure genocide
The looks upon their faces
My gun is drawn
The sword is out
The bodies lay in waste

Count your dead
More than alive
Once I come
No one survives
You forgot to make your bed
Here I am, your certain death
Track Name: Dumb Church - Pop Punk Psych-Out
Let’s do it again
You say you want to
Want to do it again
No, I don’t want to

The time is passing by
Where does it go?
You can’t get it back
My time is wasted
Sitting in front of this stupid 4 track

What you see
Is what you get
You haven’t seen
Nothing yet
Track Name: Dumb Church - Hemophiliac
I cut my finger and bleed for days
Fuck the Band-Aid
Give me a transfusion
Shove the cork right in my veins
It’s the only way that I’ll stop bleeding
Track Name: Dumb Church - A Very Tuff Song
Our riffs are so tough
Guitars so loud you can’t ignore them
Our vocals so gruff
In your face, you wanna punch us
We got all dressed up
Took half an hour to put on make-up
Just don’t look too long
Direct eye contact makes you sorry

Hey, buddy, what the fuck are you looking at?

Hate, fucking hate
Fucking pissed off angry
Tough, fucking tough
Better stay out of our way
Look at my leather
You know I mean business
Check out my spikes
Look out for…

My fist
We’re so vicious
We’re pissed
Tough guy
Big dick
The chicks all dig us
You wish
Track Name: Dumb Church - Gainfully, Governmently Employed
We all got city jobs

I work at the police department
Give me my paycheck
I work at the fire station
Give me my paycheck
I work at the DMV
Give me my paycheck
I work for the postal service
Give me my paycheck

The city pays me lots of money
I go to work, make half an effort
Complain about how much I work
Got more days off than anyone else

I work as a garbage man
Give me my paycheck
I work at the city court house
Give me my paycheck
I work for the city council
Give me my paycheck
I work less than anyone else
Give me my paycheck
Track Name: Dumb Church - Second Cousin of Dumb-Core
I sing like I'm retarded
Track Name: Dumb Church - Yo, Dude
Yo, dude
Your tape was pretty cool
Track Name: Dumb Church - Death Wish Apathy
My attention span is shrinking
My drive to live is shrinking
My energy is shrinking
My penis size is shrinking

I'll never leave the house again
I'll never exercise again
I'll never learn a thing again
I'll never touch myself again

I'll just sit here every day
I'll just stay bored every day
I'll just pretend every day
That I am dead for every day

Please get out
Please get lost
Take a hike
Please fuck off