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But Enough About You​/​Tour de Dork​/​You must Remember This​/​Buddy the Miracle Baby

from The End of Ethnology by Wadge

/

lyrics

I just called to say I’d had an amputation
Responded by saying that you had a cold
Some things will never change
The bitter taste of human waste
I mentioned vomiting from the gnawing pain
The only reply was that your sinuses were clogged
$300 team jersey to ride around town
Uptight nerd in stupid stretchy shorts
Please do tell me the specs of your fancy gears
Cycling through traffic like the Tour de Dork
You must remember this
You’re going to face my fist
Teeth will rip, skull will crack
Eyes are gouged right to the back
Oops, I made a mess
To this I must confess
Tell me just how bad it feels
In twenty words or less
How many fingers am I holding?
Shake it off, you’ll be fine
Does it hurt when I twist your spine?
Born in a Qalla to a Sunni
Yet somehow Aarif saw through it all
Rejected everything and fled to America
At 18 months of age he left alone
Travelled to the Promised Land
Embraced by the light of Jesus Christ
Married a street preacher’s daughter
Found a sturdy box on which to proselytize
They cried “dirty Muslim!” from trucks
He said “Not me, you schmucks!”

credits

from The End of Ethnology, released November 11, 2016

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